Earlier this year I wrote around 7 thousand words about my experience spending most of January in a deep depression, watching 100s of Serial Killer and True Crime documentaries while obsessively playing Star Wars Angry Birds. I also spent some time making images mixing Star Wars, Angry Birds and Death/Serial Killer Culture. 

It wasn’t finished and, during a harddrive clean-up, the entire folder, containing text and images both, was lost forever.

All that remains is the list below which I found in my gmail drafts folder, a fragment I wrote comparing serial killing to the Star Wars franchise, how both are basic variations on the pitfalls of nerd culture. 

How are serial killing and Star Wars alike? 

Serial killer’s crimes are so boringly similar that even they fuck up
their back story, like when Faryion Wardrip, while ostensibly
apologising to the father of one of his victims, accidentally
incriminated himself by forgetting which girl he was talking about and
confessing to a different murder.

Serial killing is a hobby that hinges on pettiness so much that Dennis
Radner, who signed his notes mocking the police as Bind Torture Kill,
apparently got roughly the same thrill later in life from being an
over-zealous public works employee.

Serial Killers handle their own legacy so poorly, despite it being all
they have to trade on, that they often half-heartedly convert to Christianity before death or, in Ted Bundy’s case, grant exclusive rights to their last interview to a ridiculous anti-pornography organisation.

Serial Killers are so clueless as to why they’re worth thinking about or interesting at all that one of them, moors murderer Ian Brady, managed to write the most boring true crime book ever written.

Serial Killers’ dialogue is so corny that the audio tape David Parker
Ray played to women he held captive contained as much unconvincing
swearing and clumsy uses of the phrase “similar to” as the worst
battle rap you’ve ever heard.

In fact Serial Killers are so corny full stop that the co-called “Ken and Barbie Killers”,  Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo, rode in one of those lame white carriages at their wedding.

Serial Killers over-estimate the importance of pop culture so much
that Michael Owen Perry killed his entire family because he thought
Olivia Newton John was communicating with him by changing the colour
of her eyes.

Serial Killers are so devoid of originality that, when caught, David
Berkowitz took a path well-trodden by those accused of farting and
literally blamed it all on a dog.

Serial Killers are have such aggressive publicity campaigns that when
police didn’t see a link between Colin Ireland’s killings of men on
the early 90s gay scene in London, he rang them up and told them there
was one.